Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
