I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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