Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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