he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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