whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
