all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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