Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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