....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
