Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.