If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.