Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.