I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.