I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.