Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING