I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"