thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"