I could run a drunk marathon in heels
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.