i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
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Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt