Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.