For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry