I want to be your penis for a week.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.