She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.