I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
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Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.