I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!