I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.