Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick