That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dicks are not precious.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
