I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.