Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
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I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.