In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".