you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No I am not eating basil off your cock
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.