He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
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You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way