He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though