Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?