Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (909)

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  (909): View more from California

  The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.

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  (909): The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you. http://tfl.nu/bupp
  Replies (12) Good night (2037) Bad night (872)
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  Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?

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  (909): Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked? http://tfl.nu/pmav
  Replies (7) Good night (2004) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
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  No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.

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  (909): No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets. http://tfl.nu/zkqt
  Replies (6) Good night (1955) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
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  Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.

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  (909): Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out. http://tfl.nu/vj9i
  Replies (10) Good night (1917) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
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  I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused

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  (909): I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused http://tfl.nu/1156
  Replies (13) Good night (1816) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
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  It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?

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  (909): It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it? http://tfl.nu/yjug
  Replies (8) Good night (1781) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
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  Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.

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  (909): Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge. http://tfl.nu/2a01
  Replies (5) Good night (1671) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
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  Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.

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  (909): Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave. http://tfl.nu/ztn7
  Replies (22) Good night (1652) Bad night (3386) Order T-Shirt
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  he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.

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  (909): he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him. http://tfl.nu/hp2h
  Replies (6) Good night (1633) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
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  Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there

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  (909): Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there http://tfl.nu/y3ph
  Replies (16) Good night (1623) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
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  If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis

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  (909): If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis http://tfl.nu/ldcq
  Replies (2) Good night (1592) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
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  I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar

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  (909): I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar http://tfl.nu/dhbh
  Replies (5) Good night (1574) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.

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  (909): don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me. http://tfl.nu/8txy
  Replies (13) Good night (1554) Bad night (5836) Order T-Shirt
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  What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for

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  (909): What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for http://tfl.nu/e5by
  Replies (18) Good night (1553) Bad night (572)
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  Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?

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  (909): Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs? http://tfl.nu/7n3l
  Replies (8) Good night (1501) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt