and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.