My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.