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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
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