No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
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I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal