An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic