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Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
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