Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Tennessee (865)

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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.

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  (865): Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/7i54
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  Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.

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  (865): Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all. http://tfl.nu/2gc2
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  Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.

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  (865): Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010. http://tfl.nu/w6c7
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  I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes

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  (865): I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes http://tfl.nu/sup4
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  i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat

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  (865): i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat http://tfl.nu/yw7h
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  You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.

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  (865): You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce. http://tfl.nu/u88l
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  Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class

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  (865): Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class http://tfl.nu/v047
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  I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.

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  (865): I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it. http://tfl.nu/q5jx
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  And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

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  (865): And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly. http://tfl.nu/a3gz
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  that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.

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  (865): that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is. http://tfl.nu/8h8l
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  is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?

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  (865): is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend? http://tfl.nu/lq8q
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  she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty

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  (865): she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty http://tfl.nu/c438
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  One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.

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  (865): One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat. http://tfl.nu/8o5d
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  he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.

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  (865): he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers. http://tfl.nu/fhwb
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  Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?

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  (865): Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious? http://tfl.nu/lazc
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