If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.