At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.