I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.