I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina