Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is the high leading the old right now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?