I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.