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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
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