Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..