Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.