Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
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i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
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I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.