The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
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well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.