Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.