Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.