Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.