I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.