his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.