In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room