I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.