I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal