Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.