Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account