When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?