For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party