I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.