Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
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when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.