you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school