The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed