you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?