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I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this boner is exhausting
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