You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.