dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11