her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.