her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.