I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.