Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
this boner is exhausting
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.