I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.