I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
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Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.