Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (972)

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  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm scared

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.

  (972): View more from Texas

  That's what I'm afraid of

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  (972): I'm scared (337): There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size. (972): That's what I'm afraid of http://tfl.nu/7af7
  Replies (16) Good night (627) Bad night (3687)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes

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  (972): how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes http://tfl.nu/yix3
  Replies (73) Good night (949) Bad night (3656) Order T-Shirt
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  So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.

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  (972): So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale. http://tfl.nu/iff3
  Replies (26) Good night (494) Bad night (3521) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

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  (972): you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again. (214): round 2? (972): EVER. http://tfl.nu/6p06
  Replies (10) Good night (990) Bad night (3471)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.

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  (972): He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/ko2r
  Replies (8) Good night (776) Bad night (3417) Order T-Shirt
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  My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.

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  (972): My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B. http://tfl.nu/k9ee
  Replies (10) Good night (972) Bad night (3338)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina

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  (972): 90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina http://tfl.nu/4hnn
  Replies (7) Good night (793) Bad night (3269) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut

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  (972): oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut http://tfl.nu/kqx7
  Replies (4) Good night (617) Bad night (3233) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

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  (972): The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid? http://tfl.nu/xjdi
  Replies (15) Good night (602) Bad night (3224) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.

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  (972): I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it. http://tfl.nu/h8bb
  Replies (7) Good night (681) Bad night (3043) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.

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  (972): Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food. http://tfl.nu/9e1d
  Replies (13) Good night (1127) Bad night (3000) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.

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  (972): Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone. http://tfl.nu/2947
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  (972): View more from Texas

  If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.

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  (972): If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works. http://tfl.nu/grey
  Replies (62) Good night (1487) Bad night (2809) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy

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  (972): Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy http://tfl.nu/ylro
  Replies (5) Good night (658) Bad night (2786) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.

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  (972): And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P. http://tfl.nu/17d7
  Replies (27) Good night (725) Bad night (2643) Order T-Shirt