I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy