I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.