I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.