I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.